Sex, Here & Now

Gonorrhea and Syphilis Hit Record Levels in Europe. Here's Why!

The headlines make it sound like people are having too much sex. The research tells a very different story.

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, breaks down the recent BBC article on record-high rates of gonorrhea and syphilis across Europe and explains why these rising numbers have far more to do with public health than they do with morality.

Matt explores how reduced access to STI testing, treatment, comprehensive sex education, and sexual health services contributes to higher infection rates, and why decades of research continue to show that shame and abstinence-only messaging don't stop people from having sex. They simply make people less likely to seek healthcare.

This episode is a reminder that healthy societies don't reduce STI rates by making people afraid of sex. They reduce them by making healthcare accessible, normalizing routine testing, and giving people the tools they need to make informed decisions.

If you've ever seen a scary STI headline and wondered what it actually means, this episode is for you.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

What if one of the healthiest things you could do for your sexual well-being is also one of the things you've been taught to fear?

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, takes on one of the biggest myths surrounding sexuality: that masturbation is somehow shameful, dirty, or unhealthy.

Matt breaks down the research behind masturbation, including its effects on stress, sleep, pleasure, and sexual satisfaction, while debunking common myths about erectile dysfunction, infertility, blindness, hair loss, and more. He also explores why so many people carry guilt around self-pleasure and how messages from family, religion, culture, and society can shape our relationship with our own bodies.

Whether masturbation has always felt normal to you or you've struggled with shame around it, this episode invites you to become curious rather than judgmental. Matt also offers a simple challenge to help listeners deepen their connection with their own bodies by approaching masturbation with mindfulness instead of making orgasm the only goal.

This conversation isn't about convincing anyone that they have to masturbate. It's about recognizing that for most people, masturbation is a healthy, safe, and normal part of human sexuality, and asking whether the beliefs we've inherited are actually serving us today.

 

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Are you kinkier than you think? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman dives into one of the biggest misconceptions about human sexuality: that kink is rare, extreme, or only for "certain kinds of people."

The truth is, many of us engage in or fantasize about forms of kink without ever calling them that. From dirty talk and blindfolds to power dynamics, role-play, sensation play, and BDSM, Matt explores why kink is far more common than most people realize. He also breaks down what the research actually says about kink, BDSM, consent, communication, and psychological well-being.

Most importantly, this episode is about permission. Permission to question shame, explore curiosity, and build a sex life based on what genuinely brings you pleasure instead of what society told you was "normal."

Whether you're simply curious or already waving your kinky flag, this episode is an invitation to embrace your sexuality with intention, communication, and consent.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

What if your sexuality was a garden?

In this week's Matt's Musing, I revisit one of my favorite metaphors from Emily Nagoski to explore how our beliefs about sex are planted long before we ever have a say. Family, religion, culture, media, and past relationships all leave their mark. Some of those messages help us grow, while others become weeds that create shame, pressure, and disconnection.

In this short episode, I talk about why we don't have to keep every belief we inherited, how to identify the "weeds" that no longer serve us, and what it looks like to intentionally cultivate a healthier, more authentic relationship with sexuality.

At the end, I leave you with one simple question that might change the way you think about your own sexual story.

If you've ever struggled with shame, performance pressure, or feeling like your sexuality should look different than it does, this episode is for you.

 

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Whether you're brand new to lubricant or you've been using it for years, there's a good chance you've been taught some myths about what it means. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I break down why lubricant isn't a sign that something is "wrong." In fact, it's one of the simplest ways to make sex more comfortable, pleasurable, and enjoyable.

We'll explore the differences between water based, silicone based, oil based, and hybrid lubricants, discuss the pros and cons of each, and talk about how to choose the best option for your body and the kind of sex you're having. I also cover specialty lubricants, common ingredient concerns, and why there is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to finding your favorite lube.

Thank you to Uberlube for sponsoring today's episode. Check out the link in the show notes to learn more and support the podcast.

 

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

After taking a week off, I'm back with some personal news that I've been excited to share... I'm married!

In this special episode of Sex, Here & Now, I reflect on one of the biggest milestones of my life while challenging a common belief about relationships. Does marriage fundamentally change a relationship, or does it simply celebrate the one you've already built?

Drawing from both my own relationship and my work as a sex therapist, I explore why commitment is something we practice rather than something we achieve. We talk about the difference between the symbols of commitment and commitment itself, why healthy relationships aren't defined by marriage, and why trust, vulnerability, communication, and repair matter far more than any legal document ever could.

Whether you're married, dating, single, divorced, or in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship, this episode is a reminder that the healthiest relationships are built one ordinary day at a time.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me, and thank you for celebrating this new chapter alongside us.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Who are you when you have sex?

Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they do sexually, but very few stop to consider how they show up. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores the idea of your sexual style: the roles, patterns, and energies you naturally bring into intimacy.

Are you a giver or a receiver? Do you tend to lead or follow? Are you a caretaker, performer, people pleaser, explorer, or protector? Matt discusses how these sexual scripts develop over time, why they often become rigid, and how greater flexibility can lead to more satisfying, authentic sexual experiences.

Whether you're in a long-term relationship, exploring your sexuality, or simply curious about yourself, this episode will help you reflect on the unconscious patterns shaping your intimate life and invite you to try something new.

If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might discover something new about themselves.

 

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

When was the last time you flirted with your partner?

Not asked about groceries. Not discussed schedules. Not coordinated who is picking up the kids. Actually flirted.

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore why flirting is one of the first things to disappear in long-term relationships and one of the most important things to bring back. Flirting is not just about seduction. It is about playfulness, curiosity, desire, and reminding each other that you are more than roommates managing a household.

We will talk about why flirting feels effortless in the beginning of relationships, why it often fades over time, and how bringing it back can strengthen intimacy, connection, and sexual desire. Whether your flirting style is playful teasing, compliments, physical touch, inside jokes, or suggestive texts throughout the day, there is no one right way to do it.

If your relationship has been feeling a little too practical and not nearly playful enough, this episode is for you.

 

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Why do people spend so much time worrying about everyone else's sex life?

In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I explore something that has been on my mind lately: the tendency people have to judge other people's consensual sexual choices while avoiding deeper questions about their own relationship with sex. Whether the topic is kink, polyamory, queer relationships, casual sex, body confidence, or simply people expressing themselves authentically, judgment often shows up faster than curiosity.

Together, we unpack where that judgment comes from. Is it really about the behavior itself? Or is it more about fear, shame, insecurity, confusion, or unresolved beliefs that get activated when we see someone living differently than we do? Often, what we criticize in others has far more to do with our own discomfort than their actual choices.

We discuss the concept of "don't yuck someone else's yum" and why consensual sexual experiences between adults are rarely the problem people think they are. We also explore how religion, family systems, social media, culture, and sex negative messaging shape our reactions to sexuality and influence what we perceive as acceptable, normal, or threatening.

In this episode, we discuss:
• Why people judge other people's sex lives
• Fear, shame, and sexual discomfort
• Projection and sexual criticism
• Kink, polyamory, and queer relationships
• The impact of sex negative messaging
• Curiosity versus judgment
• Exploring your own relationship with sexuality
• The role of self-awareness in sexual growth
• Why consensual sexuality often triggers strong reactions
• The difference between "that's not for me" and "that's wrong"

One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that curiosity often creates more growth than criticism. The next time you find yourself judging someone else's sexuality, it may be worth asking what that reaction is trying to tell you about your own experiences, beliefs, fears, or desires.

If this episode resonates with you, consider following the podcast, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may benefit from the conversation. Your support helps spread more sex positive, shame reducing, and research informed conversations into the world.

As always, stay curious.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of your relationship was shaped by the relationships you witnessed growing up?

In this episode of Sex Here and Now, we are talking about parents, caregivers, family dynamics, and the relationship scripts many of us unknowingly carry into adulthood. Whether your parents had a seemingly perfect love story, a marriage filled with conflict, or something in between, chances are they influenced how you think about intimacy, communication, affection, conflict, trust, and commitment.

I share a little bit about my own parents' relationship, including their surprisingly Hallmark-worthy origin story, and discuss one of the most important realizations many adults eventually face: our parents' relationships belong to them. Their strengths, struggles, communication patterns, emotional blind spots, and beliefs about love are not automatically meant to become our own.

Together, we explore how family systems shape our nervous systems, why some people spend their lives recreating the relationships they witnessed growing up, and why others spend years trying to escape them. We also discuss how social media often romanticizes long-term relationships while ignoring a much more important question: were those relationships actually healthy?

In this episode, we discuss:
• Relationship blueprints learned in childhood
• Family systems and attachment patterns
• Emotional safety and nervous system responses
• Why intimacy can feel difficult as adults
• Repeating versus rejecting family relationship patterns
• The difference between longevity and relationship quality
• Social media and romanticized love stories
• Building relationships that align with your values
• Healing inherited relationship scripts
• Creating healthier forms of intimacy and connection

One of the most freeing parts of adulthood is realizing that awareness creates choice. You do not have to recreate your parents' relationship, and you do not have to spend your life running from it either. You get to decide what kind of relationship reflects who you are today.

If this episode resonates with you, consider following the podcast, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may benefit from the conversation. Your support helps spread more sex positive, relationship focused, and shame reducing conversations into the world.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!