Sex, Here & Now

Why do so many loving couples stop having sex?

In today’s episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into something I see constantly in my therapy office: couples in their late 30s and 40s who are still deeply in love… but their sex life has disappeared. No big betrayal. No dramatic rupture. Just an erotic stalemate.

Drawing from Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the Dual Control Model of sexual response from the Kinsey Institute, and insights from Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski, I break down why passion naturally shifts over time and what actually brings it back.

We’ll talk about:

• Why intimacy and commitment can unintentionally dull erotic energy
• How your “gas pedals” and “brakes” impact sexual desire
• The parent-child dynamic that quietly kills attraction
• Practical exercises to rebuild anticipation, playfulness, and connection

If you and your partner feel stuck sexually but still love each other, this episode is for you. This is more common than you think, and it is absolutely workable.

It just takes intention.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

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We need to talk about something that does not get said enough. Sex is supposed to be fun.

In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge the pressure people put on themselves to perform perfectly in the bedroom. From queefing to losing an erection at the worst possible moment, I break down why these experiences are completely normal and why they do not mean anything is wrong.

This episode is really about shifting your mindset. Moving away from performance and perfection and getting back to connection, play, and pleasure. I also walk you through a simple but powerful exercise to help you and your partner reconnect with what actually makes sex feel good.

If sex has started to feel serious, stressful, or like something you have to get “right,” this one is for you.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

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On this episode, I sit down with Kristen Lilla, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Educator, to talk about all things sex education and why the conversations we avoid are often the ones that matter most. We dive into her books, what inspired her work, and how she approaches teaching kids about bodies, boundaries, and consent in ways that are age-appropriate and empowering.

We also get into why using the correct anatomical terms for body parts is not just about being clinical. It is about safety, clarity, and confidence. When kids know the right words, they are better equipped to understand their bodies, communicate their needs, and advocate for themselves. This is a thoughtful, grounded conversation about raising sexually healthy humans and challenging the shame that still surrounds these topics.

You can find Kristen on Instagram @that.popup.book

Links to Vaginas and Periods 101 and Penises 101 here

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

In this mini episode of Matt’s Musings, I’m diving into a topic that continues to spark curiosity, confusion, and meaningful cultural change: the rise in people identifying as bisexual.

Recent research suggests that about 7 percent of people now identify as bisexual, and rather than asking why it is increasing, this episode explores a more important question. What happens when people finally feel safe enough to tell the truth about who they are?

I talk about the history of bisexuality being misunderstood or dismissed as a phase, the unique pressures bisexual individuals have faced from both heterosexual and queer communities, and why this shift reflects something much bigger than a trend. It signals growing safety, expanding conversations around sexual fluidity, and younger generations feeling less pressure to fit into rigid identity boxes.

This episode is a reminder that sexuality has always been more expansive than many of us were taught. As stigma softens and acceptance grows, more people are allowing themselves curiosity, self understanding, and authenticity without shame.

If you have ever questioned labels, wondered about sexual fluidity, or simply want to better understand the evolving landscape of human sexuality, this short musing invites you to stay curious and compassionate toward yourself and others.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

In this personal and reflective episode of Sex, Here & Now, I share something a little different. I am getting married this July to my partner of nine years, and as we started writing our own wedding vows, it got me thinking about something we almost never talk about in relationships or marriage: sex vows.

After nearly a decade together filled with growth, therapy, travel, and redefining what partnership looks like, I found myself asking why traditional vows celebrate love, commitment, and stability, yet rarely acknowledge sexuality as part of the relationship we are promising to nurture. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I see every day how couples assume intimacy will take care of itself, only to realize later that erotic connection also needs intention, care, and ongoing conversation.

In this episode, I explore the idea of “sex vows” and why treating sexuality as a shared value rather than an obligation can transform long term relationships. I talk about how intimacy evolves over time, why curiosity matters more than performance, and how couples can intentionally protect their erotic connection from resentment, silence, and disconnection.

Whether you are getting married, partnered long term, dating, or intentionally single, this episode invites you to reflect on how you want to show up sexually in your relationships and how intentional conversations about desire can deepen connection far beyond the bedroom.

I also share examples of sex vows my partner and I have explored together to help you start creating your own.

Because intimacy is not something you promise once. It is something you choose again and again.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

A new study suggests that more than a quarter of Americans are interested in open relationships and honestly, my jaw hit the floor. Not because non monogamy is better than monogamy, but because it tells us something much bigger about where relationships are headed.

In this episode, I explore what this growing interest in non monogamous relationships actually means for modern dating, intimacy, and personal identity. We talk about why relationship styles are not in competition with each other, how insecurity often fuels unnecessary debates between monogamy and non monogamy, and why there is room for everyone to build relationships that genuinely fit their lives.

I also dive into how cultural shifts are changing the way we think about love. From the loosening grip of purity culture to increasing relational curiosity, more people are questioning inherited relationship scripts and asking a powerful question: What do I actually want?

This episode is not about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It is about intentionality, self awareness, and choosing connection from authenticity rather than obligation. Whether you practice monogamy, non monogamy, or are simply curious, this conversation invites you to rethink how we define healthy relationships in a modern world.

Cheers to building connections that are ethical, consensual, and truly aligned with who we are.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

What does it really mean when someone says, “I feel sexually neglected”?

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore a topic that comes up often in my therapy office and in many long term relationships. Sexual neglect is rarely just about sex. More often, it is about feeling unwanted, unseen, or no longer chosen by the person you love.

We unpack why feelings of neglect show up in relationships, how stress and emotional overload impact desire, and why differences in attachment styles can create painful pursue and withdraw cycles between partners. Drawing from research on attachment theory, Emily Nagoski’s work on context dependent desire, and real clinical experience, this episode helps normalize what many couples quietly struggle with.

I also introduce the concept of emotional anorexia, how emotional disconnection can slowly impact erotic connection, and why many partners unintentionally hurt each other without realizing it.

You will learn how to approach conversations about sexual disconnection with curiosity instead of blame, understand what sex emotionally represents for each partner, and begin rebuilding connection through vulnerability and intentional turning toward one another.

If you have ever felt unwanted in your relationship or struggled to understand why intimacy has changed, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical ways forward.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat!

Today, I am roasting the idea of soulmates and making it more open to our growth as humans. 

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

In this episode, I break down what squirting actually is, what it is not, and why so many people have been taught to misunderstand it. We talk about the biggest myths around squirting, including the belief that it equals orgasm or is the ultimate measure of pleasure. Spoiler alert: it is not.

I explain the physiology behind squirting in an accessible way, why some people experience it and many never will, and why neither means anything about how good you are at sex. We also talk about pressure, performance, cleanup, nervous systems, and how porn culture has turned one possible bodily response into an unrealistic expectation.

If you are curious about squirting, confused by it, frustrated by the pressure around it, or just want accurate sex education that does not shame bodies, this episode is for you.

This is an informational, myth busting, sex positive conversation about real bodies, real pleasure, and letting go of goals that do not actually serve connection.

As always, the focus is not doing sex right. It is understanding your body and staying curious.

New episodes drop weekly!

Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

 

Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat!

Today, I am talking about the inevitability that your sexual self and your relationship with intimacy change over time. Don't freak out! I got you!

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!